I'm Running for President

That's right, of the U.S. of A. The way I see it, an anonymous blogger has just as good a chance as anyone these days. I'm not sure if I'd run as a Democrat or a Republican; I may even start a new party. My platform will be "I'm not a politician," and my strategy is "cut the crap."

For starters, I'd refuse to play political word games. "Tax cuts," for example, is a really bad way to say "collect less taxes." Also, when Hillary Clinton accuses me of "tax cuts that go to help the wealthiest 2% of Americans, I'll show her the math- taxes are charged in the form of percentages. Because the wealthy people pay a whole lot in taxes, lowering them will "help" them more than, say the welfare recipients that don't pay any.

Criminals are not all the same. Violent criminals should be punished, but more effort should be made to rehabilitate criminals such as drug dealers and users, prostitutes, and people who commit fraud. Besides, if we really want to punish them, we should make them go to school and work 9-5 jobs on construction crews.

And then there's gun control. I hate guns. People that play with guns are creepy. But setting stricter gun control laws (background checks, waiting periods, taxes, requiring licenses and locks, etc.) is really ridiculous. Criminals don't buy their guns at Wal-Mart. They either steal them or buy them from a guy named Skeezy who stands on the corner all day in a puffy jacket. (Skeezy, by the way, isn't disposed to conducting background checks or paying taxes. )

I'd bring home nearly all of our troops, and make the U.S. military in charge of protecting our borders, ports, and resources. Isn't that what they're for anyway? Defense? I'd put military air marshals on every plane, and I'd put lots of money into cyber-, psych-, mech- and other non-lethal types of warfare.

I'd ask Americans to tighten their belt buckles. It seems that every U.S. president has resisted doing this, but for the sake of our economy, our resources, and our health, we need to spend, drive, and eat less. "We're in this together!" reminds my favorite WWII propaganda poster. Scaling back voluntarily would help balance our trade deficits, and unify our people. When more money stays in the country, we do better. Collect less taxes from those who really cut back as an incentive, and we might get right-side up in our national debt.

I would increase the base salary for public school teachers and administration, and start a government placement program for student teachers. The only way we're going to get good teachers in our rougher schools is to pay them well. Oh, and to require them to do some time teaching in rough districts before we grant them their teaching certificates.

Health care seems like it would be the easiest. Require all employers to cover their employees regardless of the hours they work, and collect less taxes from those small business that can't otherwise afford it.

Okay, so I've solved all the world's problems. Any questions?
Vote for me!